What If It Doesn’t Have to Be a Process

Last month we hired someone to come in and refinish our hardwood floors. They were prefinished and installed when the house was built years ago. Over time, the finish had ambered, and it was time for a refresh. That top layer was hard to remove, and it took time. Watching the natural cherry emerge from under all that coating was pretty amazing. 

It made me think about how often we approach ourselves in a similar way. We talk about stripping away layers, clearing what is not ours, getting to the root of something, and doing the work. That approach is so familiar that most of us never question it. 

As I watched the floors being refinished, it made complete sense of why it takes time. The layers have to be worked through because of how they were built. There is really no way around that. What I started questioning as I watched this was whether that is actually true for us. 

When the process started, I could not picture what the floor would look like underneath all of that coating. When it was finally revealed, it was raw, clean, and completely different than what I had been looking at for years...I could see its essence. It was a wonderful reminder that what we see becomes what we believe is there. 

I think that happens to us too. The patterns we repeat and the ways we have learned to respond become familiar, and over time they start to feel like who we are...our identities. After a while, we stopped questioning them and our true essence faded into the background. 

For me, there was a moment that changed. It was not about working through everything or trying to understand every layer. It was a moment where everything I thought I knew about myself no longer applied, and I was left with something I had never really seen before. It felt like I was connecting to a part of myself that had always been there, just not something I had been living from. At least not since my childhood.  

My experience changed how I relate to myself and others. It created a complete perspective shift without having to go through layers. I am not saying there is one way to move through change. For some people, understanding where things came from is part of their process, and that has value. What I am opening up here is the possibility that there is another way to approach it. We all have a true essence, that is free of egoic programing, and we don’t have to go through layers to find it. It all starts with an awareness of it.   

We can notice what is happening in real time and choose something different. We can be more aware of how we respond, more intentional in what we say and do, and begin to question the stories we have accepted without even realizing it. From there, things begin to shift in a way that does not require going through every layer that created them. A simple perception shift from your ego being in control to your essence leading the way...the true flow state.  

The work I do through Disrupting Gracefully is grounded in that. There is no stripping anything away, instead just conscious awareness of the lens you are seeing through and how that is shaping your responses in the moment. When that becomes clear, you are no longer creating from the same place, and what you experience begins to change. 

Barbara Ann Jacques, Ph.D. is the founder of Disrupting Gracefully. She lives and walks in Fremont County, Colorado.