Separation by Design: Why the walls we see in the world often mirror the ones we build within ourselves. 

Separation by Design: Why the walls we see in the world often mirror the ones we build within ourselves. 

I’ve worked from home since 2008, in different homes and in different states. Solitude is familiar. I enjoy my space. But even so, there are days when I miss people in the flesh - the right people. The ones I feel aligned with energetically. 

My circle is small but steady. It keeps me connected, grounded, and reminded that real connection still exists. I am also connected to my inner truth.  

But last week in Washington, DC, I was immersed in a different kind of connection - or rather, the lack of it. 

Walking the streets, I noticed a familiar pattern: 
Eyes forward. 
Earbuds in. 
Bodies tense. 
Few smiles, even when eye contact was made. 

The more I observed, the clearer it became. People weren’t just distracted. They were separate. Intentionally or unconsciously, they were creating invisible walls from the world around them.  

On my first day there I wandered into a neighborhood culturally different from my own. I stood in line at an establishment for something to drink (we were walking). The clerk helped those ahead of me and when it was my turn, she turned her back to me. She was pretending to look at the staff behind her. Several minutes passed and no acknowledgment, no service. Eventually, we left. It was clear we didn’t belong, or at least, that’s how it was made to feel. 

To be honest, I was uncomfortable walking in that neighborhood. 
Not just because of how I was treated, but because I recognized my own fleeting judgments. 
Seeing some men yelling at each other in their yards and in the small parks, those who appeared homeless resting on benches... I felt unease. 

That reaction told me something important about myself. 
Even with all the personal work I’ve done, conditioned responses still surface. Separation is programmed so deeply, it often acts before awareness catches up. 

Thankfully, awareness did catch up. Judgment gave way to understanding. The discomfort wasn’t about them. It was about me confronting my own filters. 

Later, when back in the city, I met a man known as The Truth Conductor. He had a sign that read "Stop hating each other because you disagree." I mentioned what I had been witnessing. 
He nodded and said, “It’s all by design.” 

I agreed. The news tells us 24/7 what “they” are doing, and it is easy to become and stay divided. Easier to notice difference than to face what difference reflects back at us: A version of ourselves we may not want to see. 

We create versions of others every day. Not as they truly are, but as we perceive them. Through filters. Through beliefs. Through our own fears and assumptions. 

But that’s not the full story. 

While separation was visible, so were moments of connection. 
The tour guides who clearly loved sharing history. 
The kind stranger who helped me figure out the unfamiliar bike shares. 
The small interactions where someone smiled back. 

These glimmers reminded me: 
Separation may be designed, but connection is always available. It often asks us to be the one to go first. 

Think about how often we’re disconnected from the very systems that shape our daily lives, automated customer service replacing human conversations, online orders instead of face-to-face interactions, policies made without community input, decisions affecting us by people we’ll never meet. 

These aren’t just social or political gaps. They reflect a deeper pattern: We’ve become so used to separation “out there” that we rarely notice the separation within ourselves. 

We disconnect from our instincts to avoid discomfort. 
We silence our values when they feel inconvenient. 
We separate from our own needs to maintain the illusion of belonging. 

The external divisions mirror the quiet ways we fragment internally every day. 

Separation by design. At every level. 

And here’s what’s even more revealing: 

Much of what we turn to for comfort, control, or validation becomes its own form of addiction, not just to substances, but to roles, titles, busyness, and the constant pursuit of "more." These patterns feel familiar, even necessary, because true reconnection can feel foreign… or even frightening. 

We cling to what keeps us separated, not because we want to, but because we’ve been conditioned to believe it’s safer than facing what’s within. 

So, I ask you, where have you noticed separation showing up in your life, both around you and within you? 

Awareness is the first step. Disruption comes next. 

I’ll be sharing more soon about how the CLAIM Method can help us dismantle these patterns and create something greater. 

If you’re seeking a keynote speaker who brings fresh insights on disrupting limiting systems, both personal and organizational, let’s connect. 

Disruption doesn’t have to be loud. It just has to be true. 
Start with The Power of Integrated Self-Leadership: A free guide to reconnect with your internal authority. 
Grab it here: 👉 https://www.disruptinggracefully.com/integrated-self-leadership/Opt-in 

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